


Sleep Alone

by IShipSabrielAndDestielSoHard



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cutting, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gen, M/M, Physical Abuse, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-23 05:02:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/922303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IShipSabrielAndDestielSoHard/pseuds/IShipSabrielAndDestielSoHard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel has a troubled home life. His dad is a deadbeat he never sees and he has no idea who his mom is.  He's having issues in school and at home and the only way he knows how to handle the stress is with alcohol and self-harm. He's about to give up hope when he meets Sam, a handsome shy boy from school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a fair-warning, this isn't just a ficlet, I plan on making quite a few chapters. If you get easily tiggered I wouldn't recommened

Gabriel sat outside his high school, waiting for his brother Cas. He had his ear buds in and was listening to Bat For Lashes. The sun was warm and bothersome against his grey hoodie. He rolled his shoulders and pulled the hood over his head, grimacing slightly when the fabric brushed against the healing cuts along his wrist.

"Hey, Gabe!" His brother was jogging up to him, his boots thudding loudly and tearing at the grass slightly.  
"Cas, you ready to go?" Cas nodded.

They walked across the parking lot, Gabriel dragging his feet and Cas struggling to keep all his books from toppling out of his busted up backpack. When they reached Gabe's busted up '67 chevy, they both fell into the car and headed home.

Gabe shut off the noisy, growling engine and took a deep breath. It had been almost four days since he had last been home. He got out of the car and caught three large books as they slipped out of Cas' bag.

"Thanks man." Cas breathed as he gratefully took his books back. Gabriel merely nodded and shuffled his way into the shack he had to call home. Gabe had five brothers and a sister. Castiel, Raphael, Balthazar, Lucifer, Uriel, and Anna. His parents where lunatic drug addicts, no one knew why they were named after angels. His father was never around but they would occasionally get letters in the mail with a few hundred dollars addressed from 'Dad'. None of the siblings had any idea who their mother was, they all assumed they had different moms.

Upon stepping into the entryway something made of glass whizzed past him and shattered.

"What the HELL?" Gabe was shouting. Balthazar was leaning on the dirty counter chewing on his painted black fingernail. He shrugged and cast a glance at a huffing Anna.

"Where the hell have you been?" She yelled at Gabriel, causing him to flinch. Castiel scurried by heading to his makeshift room presumably to study, kid wanted to be a nurse or something.

"I was just out." He mumbled while trying to evasively walk around his pissed off sister. She mumbled something about beating him if he did again and let him leave. He shuffled into the bathroom and lifted his sleeve, numerous horizontal cuts lining his wrist, not deep enough to kill but enough that they would probably scar. Gabriel cursed under his breath, one of the cuts had broken open and was bleeding a slow but steady flow. He put his wrist to lips and lapped at his own blood. He didn't want to waste toilet paper and was afraid of staining a rag. His stomach tingled, he'd always liked the taste of blood, one of his ex's Kali had had a serious blood kink, making Gabe include a knife every time things got intimate.

After a few minutes the blood flow eventually ebbed and he was able to safely put his sleeve down without any blood seeping through. He looked into the mirror, a bit of blood still on his lip and greasy hair concealed by his hood. His eyes, once a shiny golden color, were now dull and a shade of rusted brass. He rubbed his eyes making them even more puffy than they had been. Dark circles where under his eyes standing starkly against his pale features.

There was a loud pounding against the door followed by Lucifer shouting he needed to take a piss.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming out." He twisted the doorknob and was greeted by Lucifer's smirking face.  
"S'bout time Gabe. Who's the unlucky boy?" Gabriel rolled his eyes and slugged his brother in the arm. Lucifer and Gabriel got along most of the time, so he didn't mind the banter Luci would toss his way.

Gabe walked into his closet of a room, he shared it with Lucifer but Luci usually wasn't home at night. Gabriel pulled a bottle of Captain out of from under his bed a took a long pull from the bottle. He let the liquid swirl a burning path through his stomach.

After setting the bottle down he lifted his sleeve and traced soft patterns around his cuts and scars. He pushed his thumb into the one that had been bleeding, sending a small sliver of pain up his arm. He sat up and lifted his pillow, revealing a bundle of dark purple cloth. He unraveled it and let the razor fall to the bed. Gabriel laid back down and held the razor between his thumb and forefinger. He took a breath and wrapped it back up keeping it clutched tightly in his palm. He drifted to sleep fully clothed.

Gabriel woke up to the gentle prodding of his little brother Cas. "C'mon Gabe, you're gonna make me late again. Hey, what's that?"  
Gabe rubbed his eyes and rolled over, stuffing the cloth clad razor into the night stand drawer. "S'nothing kiddo, I'll be up in the car in a few, make sure your books are together."

Gabriel swung his legs off the bed, ushering his little brother out of the room. He stripped off his slept in clothes and threw on a thin loose fitting grey t-shirt with white designs on it and changing his dark jeans to darker jeans. He slid his dirty sweatshirt back over his head, just in case he opted for some arm warmers to cover his cuts. He stuck his socked feet into his boots and shuffled to the bathroom. Gabriel coated a toothbrush with some minty paste and scrubbed his teeth. He ran a comb through his hair and flung his hood over his head jogging out the door.

Castiel was waiting patiently in the passenger seat, his mountain of books on his lap. Gabriel got in the car and looked at the gas gauge. "Might have to walk to tomorrow kiddo." He smiled apologetically at Cas. "I'll help you carry your books though." Castiel simply nodded and they were off.

Once at school Gabe and Cas went their separate ways. Cas had study hall for first period and Gabriel trudged his way to Senior Government. Gabe walked in just as the bell rang and sloppily took his seat.

"Good morning class," the teacher, Mr.Walker started. "Today we have a new student with us."

Gabriel flicked his eyes up from the doodle he was making on the desk. He rested his eyes on a tall, dark haired kid. He looked a little young to be in this class.

"Why don't you share your name with the class." Mr.Walker urged.

The kid ducked his head his cheeks tinted pink. "I-I'm Sam."

"Hi, Sam" most of the class responded in unison.

"Why don't you have a seat next to Joanna." The blonde behind Gabriel waved her hand and smiled.

Sam picked up his bag and sat where he was told.

The rest of the class went as normal, Gabriel getting death stares from half of the girls and getting flipped the bird by half of the guys. By the end of class he was gripping tightly at his wrist. When the bell rang he went into the bathroom and waited in a stall until everyone left. Finally, the bathroom was empty. He stood in front of the mirror and splashed water on his face and stuck a paper towel in his arm warmer.

Just as he was pulling his sleeve down the new kid, Sam, walked in. Gabriel fumbled with his sleeve, trying to straighten it quickly. Sam looked up at Gabe.

"Hey, uhm, I'm Sam. I'm in your Government class."

Gabriel nodded and looked down. 'Great.' he thought to himself. 'another kid to try and _show me the light_.'

"I just wanted to, uh, say I was sorry."

Gabe's head snapped up. "What for?" he asked cautiously.

"Well, uh," Sam mumbled "All those kids were being pretty friggen rude to you."

Gabriel eyed Sam up and down. "Uh, thanks." he tugged at his sleeves again and left.

Gabriel decided today would be a good day to skip and go to the park, maybe Ruby was there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel is trying to deal with his problems the only way he knows how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There isn't a whole lot of Sabriel going on but I just want to get some background set up. Ugh this chapter isn't that great I'm sorry.

Gabriel walked to the park a few blocks away from his school. He checked his IPod, 9:30. He had to be back to school to get Cas at three.

Ruby was sitting on one of the swings with a half smoked cigarette in her hand and blowing smoke rings.

"Gabey baby!" she crooned "Missed you out here." she lifted the cigarette, showing off her black fingerless gloves, and offered him a drag.

Gabriel shook his head and coughed. "You know those things are too bitter for me." He pulled a sucker out of his sweatshirt pocket and stuck it in his mouth.

"So what brings you out here?" She tilted her head and pumped her legs, sending the swing forward.

Gabriel shrugged. "School was.." he took a deep breath, slurping on the sucker. "School." he swung his legs forward, swinging opposite of Ruby.

Ruby nodded apathetically. "Pull any good tricks lately? Heard you haven't been home in a few days, s'up with that?" she flicked the remaining butt of the cigarette away from them.

"Well," Gabriel smirked and twirled the sucker between his lips. "you know the vandal 'round town? The one painting 'trickster' everywhere? Obviously, my handiwork. Oh! I've been starting random fires. Nothin' too bad, usually where people would see it soon and put it out." he pumped his legs harder. 

Ruby grinned. "Ah ha! I knew that was you. You didn't answer my other question though. Why weren't you home? Anna came here looking for you a few times, she seemed really upset."

Gabe looked down, his feet dragging in the wood chips beneath the swing. "Yeah.. that. Well y'know Raphael gets pretty physical when he's upset and 'dad' sent a lot less money than he usually does." Gabriel lifted the side of his sweat shirt, revealing a large deep purple bruise covering the majority of ribs.

"Shit Gabe!" Ruby slowed her swing and winced at the bruise. "You okay?" she bit her lip. "You didn't.." she paused and whispered "cut..did you?" Ruby had never understood why Gabe did that too himself, nor did he expect her to.

Gabriel just looked down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Later, after Gabe had picked up his little brother and brought him home, he was sitting in his room. Gabriel was cross legged on his bed, the bottle of Captain resting between his legs. He looked up when Lucifer sauntered in, clearly drunk.

"What's up little brother?" Lucifer slurred his words and reached for the bottle between his legs. He sat down next to Gabriel and took three shots.

Gabriel's stomach turned, Luci and him got along fine when Luc was sober, but him drunk was another story. "N-nothin." He edged his way back. Gabriel wasn't ready for this, not tonight, not after Raphael and Sam and Ruby. His lip began to tremble.

Lucifer smiled and got on his knees in front of his brother. "Oh c'mon Gabriel, don't look so frightened! You know how your fear gets to me." he pushed Gabriel's hood back, smoothed his hair out and kissed his forehead. The smell of alcohol washing over Gabriel's face.

Gabriel let out a whimper. "Please Luci..not tonight."

Lucifer trailed his thumb along Gabriel's bottom lip. "But you're so pretty Gabriel." he whined and bit his own lip.

Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut when Lucifer leaned down and brushed his lips along Gabriel's neck. "Please.." Gabriel whispered.

Lucifer laughed and slid his hand to Gabriel's pants and undid the zipper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabriel grabbed his pants and the purple bundle in his night stand. He tiptoed slowly to the bathroom. Lucifer was lying in his own bed, snoring softly. Gabriel bit his lip and wiped his eyes, though his tears were long dried. He was just glad it was over and Lucifer was sleeping.

Gabriel stepped into the dingy bathroom. There were hair products everywhere. He didn't understand how they all afforded them, it seemed everyone in the house had two different types of gels or pastes or sprays.

Gabriel sat on the toilet lid and put his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. The purple bundle lay unfolded on his lap, the blade gleaming up at him, mocking him, testing him. 

Gabe picked up the blade gently with his thumb and forefinger. He stretched out his left wrist, his most recent cuts were scabbed over and healing. He pressed the blade against his skin, took a breath, and jerked it. Little red beads welled up along the new lesion. Gabriel didn't flinch. He repeated the actions several more times, until his arm was a mess of red. When he couldn't cut his wrist any more, he changed his focus to his thighs, tears falling steadily down his face. He sucked his lips between his teeth to bite back a sob. 

After he was finished mutilating his skin he turned on the shower and crawled in, sitting on the floor. He watched the blood run down the drain until the water ran clear.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabriel was waiting in the car for Castiel ten minutes earlier than usual. He hadn't gone to sleep last night. 

"Gabe? I thought we were walking?" Castiel spoke while maneuvering his backpack and himself into the car.

"Ruby filled up the car." He wasn't about tell his little brother he siphoned the gas from a couple a block down while everyone was sleeping.

Castiel gave a curt, knowing nod and fastened his seat belt.

After a few minutes of awkward silence they arrived at school. 

Gabriel took his seat in Senior Government. Sam had smiled softly at Gabriel, but he pulled his hood up and doodled on the desk.

After school was out Sam ran over to Gabe before he left. 

"Hey," Sam's words fell out of his mouth. "I was-uh, wondering if you-um, would want to-uh, come over sometime or-uh, something?" He ran a shaky hand through his hair and looked at Gabriel expectantly.

Gabriel took one look at Sam and clipped out the words "Piss off, would ya?" and sped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you caught any mistakes, please let me know. Feedback for development is crucial and much appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to put out and it's so short. I haven't been feeling very creative lately. I know I write this on every chapter but if there's anything you would like to see happen in the story comment below. There is a 99% chance what you want will get written in. More sex, lemme know. More family issues, lemme know. Input guys, I need input.

Sam laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling the speckled design dancing before his eyes. _What did I do to piss him off?_ he mused. _Maybe I should just leave him alone._

Gabriel was on his roof. "I would give anything to be able to fly. Maybe in another life I could have been an angel." he whispered to himself. He shook his head sharply. _No, no I don't deserve anything like that._

Gabe liked it on the roof. He didn't have to hide his cuts and scars. He could be himself. He didn't have his sweatshirt on and he let the cool moonlight ghost over his skin.

He fell asleep stretched out almost comfortably and picturing large golden wings behind him.

When the sun first started to peak the light brushed over his eyelids. Rubbing his palms deeply into his eyes he sat up. Gabriel pulled his well-worn sweatshirt over his head and leaped deftly off the one story roof.

It was Saturday, no school, no reason to be home. He wished his siblings liked him the right way. Gabriel never felt like he belonged. All of his brothers where thin and muscular, while he had always had had a bit of a tummy. Try as he might, he never achieved what he thought of as the right body. He tried eating healthy, as healthy as the family could afford and he would run and lift weights at the school gym. He did it solidly for nearly three months, the results weren't what he wanted. He just got bigger, not trimmer. Eventually, he succumbed to restricting. He hardly ever ate anymore. The only food pleasure he allowed himself was the occasional sucker. Other than those, he wouldn't eat breakfast at all. He gave his lunch provided by the school to Castiel, at dinner he would wait until everyone had finished eating and he would binge on leftovers. No one seemed to care. He was nearly underweight, and he knew it but that blasted stomach bump never left him. Just the slight little pudge that mocked him in the mirror. That last little bit he couldn't get rid of. Multiple nights he thought about simply cutting it off and bleeding to death in their tiny bathroom. His body heavy against the door, allowing no entrance. Red seeping out under the door, staining the already filthy carpet. He liked to think his family would be scared, try to save his life. Gabriel knew they wouldn't, Anna and Cas maybe, but his other brothers.. Raphael would get angry at the new stain, Lucifer would probably try to fuck his bloodied corpse one last time, and Uriel.. he wouldn't even notice.

Gabriel decided to walk to the park, hoping to catch Ruby there. Along the way he stopped to pet a few stray animals. Two dogs and a cat. Gabe loved animals, he got along with them better than most people. Animals showed their true feelings. They didn't lie. 

When he reached the park he didn't see Ruby. He decided to just swing alone. His legs pumping back and forth, back and forth. He closed his eyes and let the feeling of near weightlessness overtake him. He breathed deeply, the smell of morning filling his nose.

"You look so much happier outside of school."  _That voice,_ Gabriel grimaced slightly, He knew it was Sam.

Slowly opening his eyes, as if it pained him, he looked at Sam. "What do you want, kid?"

Sam flinched. "I was just out walking and I saw you, I thought I'd come say 'hi'. But if I'm bothering you I can go."  _I knew I shoulda just left him alone. Stupid Sam, you ruin everything._ Sam took one look into Gabriel's coppery golden eyes, trying to commit every fleck of color to memory before turning around.

Gabriel sighed deeply. "No, it's fine. You can stay." He tilted his head to the swing next to him. He watched as Sam mounted the swing.  _Holy shit, he's huge!_

Sitting in the swing, Sam's feet lay flat on the ground and his knees were bent awkwardly. He hardly even noticed. Sam watched Gabe, the way he moved fluidly on the swing, his pumping legs never missing a beat. Gabriel's hair flew out behind him when the swing went forward and in his face when the swing went backwards.  _Beautiful._ Sam didn't realize he was staring until Gabriel opened an eye and peeked at him.

"Like what you see, Sasquatch?" Gabriel stuck his tongue out and slowed the swing.

"I-uh, what?" Sam shook his head and looked down.  _Shit._

"You were staring." Gabriel noted the red tint on Sam's cheeks,  _He's kinda cute._ "Don't do that."

"I-I'm sorry." Sam took a breath and stood up. He hadn't pumped his swing at all. "I just.." he walked in front of Gabriel.  _Go sit back down Sam. Don't do this. You're gonna screw it up. Stop it._  

Gabriel stood as well and cocked an eyebrow. "What are y-" he didn't get to finish.

Sam leaned down, way down, _Holy crap is he short._ Slowly his lips met Gabes. He'd never kissed a guy before, but it didn't feel weird. Gabriel's lips were soft and kind of cold. Sam parted his lips slightly.

Gabriel's eyes widened and he pulled back sharply. "What the fuck!" 

Sam blinked and Gabe's fist connected with his face, knocking him out cold.


	4. Chapter 4

"Sam?" It had been about three minutes and he hadn't woken up.  _Shit, shit, shit._ "Sam, you fucking moose!" He shook the others shoulders roughly.

Sam stirred, groaning softly. "W-what? Gabe? Shit! Oh my God. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean too, I mean I did, it's just, I don't know." He hung is head low, not meeting the others eyes.

"Good thing you still have your motor control." He chuckled and stood up. 

Sam smiled shyly and followed, towering over the short man. He looked down, watching the lips he'd tried to kiss. Gabriel had sucked in his lower lip while he worked out what to say. "You alright?" He finally settled on a generic question.

Sam nodded. "You throw a mean hook, though." He chuckled softly, rubbing his throbbing jaw and glancing down. 

Gabriel shrugged. "With my family, you learn to throw a punch or take one." His voice was low.

"I'm sorry." Sam replied genuinely, a spark of empathy shooting through him as he thought about his own family.

Gabe sighed, "Look, I shouldn'ta hit you, but you were in my space and you didn't ask." 

Sam nodded, "I am really really sorry about that. I don't know what came over me." his face was beat red and his hands were shaking from embarrassment.

Gabe looked up, the sun was setting. "Walk me home?" he murmured, looking up with honeyed eyes. 

Sam's eyes snapped to Gabriel's. "What? You sure?" Gabriel gave a small nod. Sammy grinned stupidly, "Uh, I, sure okay." he clumsily held out his arm, which Gabe took hesitantly. 

The walked slowly down the moonlit sidewalk, Gabriel's arm folded neatly into Sam's. God, Sam was so tall. Gabriel thought of all the different positions they could cuddle in given Sam's size. Gabriel kicked a rock and it skittered away in front of them. "Gabriel?" Sam ventured cautiously.

Their arms had slid down into just holding hands, their fingers interlacing. "It's just Gabe, kiddo." he mumbled but turned his head to look at Sam. "Right," he blushed, "Why did you want me to walk you home? Or, you know..?" he held up their hands. 

Gabriel shrugged. "Cause." Wow, such elegant. "I didn't want to be alone, and although trying to kiss me was kind of a dick move, you seem okay." 

Sam blushed at the mention of his earlier idiocy. "Yeah, that. I'm really sorry, again. I don't have a decent excuse, I'm just an asshole." he shook out his hair with one massive palm.

Gabriel stood a few feet from an old mailbox. "Well this is me." there was a loud crash and a shadow passed behind a curtain, class tinkled in the distance. 

Sam's eyebrows shot up. "You gonna be okay?" he craned his neck to try see between the curtains but he was too far away, "I mean, you could probably sleep at my house. I doubt my dad or brother would mind." 

Gabriel shook his head and opened his mouth to say something but was cut off when a deep voice resonated behind him. "Get your ass in here, Gabe. Got shit for you to do."  Lucifer called. Gabe turned an apologectic smile to Sam. "I gotta go change and stuff." 

Sam frowned. "Oh, okay. Well if you ever need anything you can call me." He murmured and reluctantly he pulled out an old recipe from a gas station  and a pen and quick jotted down his number. 

Gabriel nodded, giving one last soft smile before he trudged to his house with a sullen heart.

Once inside, Gabe was greeted with an arm to his neck as he was shoved into the wall. "The fuck was that?" Lucifer hissed, his breath reeking of brandy. The skin of his brothers arm was hot against his skin as he gulped, his hands flying up to try and pry the hands off of him. 

"J-just a f-friend, L-luc." The younger male stuttered, he could feel a dark pit swell in his stomach as the dread coursed through him. "P-promise."  Gabriel's golden eyes squeezed shut as he tried to move his head away, tears already forming and being pushed out and down his cheeks. 

" _You_ don't have friends. Who would want to talk to you? You're garbage." Lucifer's words were accompanied by a sneer that drove a blade through Gabriel. Lucifer was supposed to love him, he was supposed to be his big brother. He was supposed to take care of him.

Lucifer gripped Gabriel with both hands and dragged him to the bedroom, Gabe's body having gone limp with defeat and exhaustion. "Please.." his voice merely a soft whisper that either Luci didn't hear or chose to ignore. With a swift toss, Gabriel was on the bed, sprawled out with messy gold hair matted to his forehead with perspiration. Lucifer shoved Gabriel's sweatshirt off his shoulders and a look of disgust crossed his features. "Is this what you do in your spare time? You freak." Luc's mocking tone reverberated in Gabe's ears. His face burned hot as he tried to hold his tears back.

Lucifer continued to roughly strip Gabriel of his clothing until he lay fully nude in front of him. Reaching into his back pocket he produced a small hunting blade. "You like it so much, how 'bout I do it for you?" Gabriel could practically feel his eyes dialte with fear. "Awh, c'mon little brother, I'm doing you a favor. If I do it, you don't have to. Besides, you like it anyway. Why else would you do this to yourself?" he traced the tip of the blade along his abdomen, nicking at previous scars and healing scabs. Gabe's stomach tightened as soon as the knife touched flesh, his breathing dying down as he tried not to push himself on to the blade that was already so dangerously close to breaking through. 

Each passing second, Gabriel's body grew more still and Lucifer's hand inched the blade closer to breaking that first layer of skin. Gabe opened his mouth to try and plead and Lucifer shoved one of the other's arm warmers in his mouth. "Ah, ah, ah." He held a finger from his free hand to his lips. "Shh, shh, shh. Don't want to wake little baby Cassie, do we?" Gabe whimpered against the makeshift gag that really didn't muffle anything. It was only a power play. 

Lucifer pushed down and pulled towards him, only breaking through a few layers of skin. Blood slowly began to well up in the spot and Gabriel cried out against the arm warmer, the tears flowing freely. There was nothing he could do now, not without endangering Cas or any of the others he lived with.

A triumphant grin was plastered to Lucifer's face as he turned the blade and made a shorter mark perpendicular to the first. "An L, so anyone who see's you will know you belong to me." The chuckle that slid from between Lucifer's lips sent a shiver down Gabriel's back. In an attempt to block out the events his body shut down and he passed out.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback would be appreciated.
> 
> If you catch any mistakes please let me know.


End file.
